monsters' ball and the principle of foggage

My first Oscar in Cebu

2005-02-28T00:24:00.000-08:00

This year's Academy Awards is really special for me. I'm watching it from the comforts of our hotel in Cebu!!!

Daaasss right!!!! We're here in scorching Cebu and it feels surreal man!!!

We're still trying to feel our way around the city (most especially going to and back from the mall -- really important). Don't you know that the jeepneys here are number-coded? Most important number to remember 14-D. That's the jeep going to Ayala Mall. 14-D is MY salvation.

I'm happy cause I get to spend my vacation with my cablay who's trying his damnest to be a really awesome host. He has been so far (peace pumpkin!).

Even hough I'm so broke, my cablay, John, brought us to this flea market (how thoughtful?)where they sell DVDs. I immediately caught a glimpse of The Machinist and Kinsey and didn't even think twice of getting them. Argh.

Anyways, back to the recently-concluded Academy Awards, here are my thoughts:

* I still think that Tom Cruise deserves an Academy Award nomination for his villainous turn in Michael Mann's Collateral. He deserves the nomination better than Jamie Foxx's nomination for Best Supporting Actor in teh same movie.

* Hilary Swank won again for Best Actress. Is she the new favorite of the Academy voters? In the same manner as Judy Garland??? Gasp!! God forbids!!

* The Aviator garnered lots of nominations and won most of the technical awards but not the coveted Acting plums and Best Picture. Best Supporting Actor, Best Actress, Best Direction and Best Picture went to Million Dollar Baby. I can't help comparing it to 1998's battle between Saving Private Ryan and Shakespeare in Love. Saving Private Ryan got most of the nominations that year and actually won almost all of the technical awards BUT the Best Picture went to the little gem of a movie called Shakespeare in Love. De ja vu?

* I was extremely disappointed that Clive Owen didn't win the Best Supporting actor plum. Damn he was really good in Closer. On the other hand, unfortunately, I don't think Natalie Portman deserves the nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

* I hit the spot on the Best Adapted and Original Screenplay awards. I was rooting for Sideways (Adapted) and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Original) and they actually won. That's it. I can totally determine which is good writing or not.

2005-02-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

i feel only bricks
shaped by my flawed
and hollow dreams
inside

the dream stopped
singing
and i pleaded for it
to come back

i see only
senseless faces
suspended
but i didn't die

2005-02-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

The new Ponds commercial is overtly WEIRD. Ya know the one with the boyfriend introducing the girlfriend to the perfectionist mom? What makes it disturbing is the fact that the guys behind the commercial screened test the girl with the rosy white skin but they DIDN'T voice test her. She sounded so "bo-pek". And the accent was terrible.

Eh kaya nga Ponds TV commercial da ba???

*********************************************************************
I caught the first ever reunion of the entire cast of Seinfeld on Oprah last night (Star World) and was just so friggin ecstatic to see Jerry and Kramer and Elaine and George again. Seinfeld was my all-time favorite comedies EVER. To the point of actually feeling depressed upon hearing the news that the show's about to end. Exceptional entertainment like that SHOULD NEVER END. It's the unwritten LAW. Anyhoo, Oprah proceeded to flash the Seinfeld Seasons 1-3 DVD Box Set on the screen that really got me drooling......

Then she announced that all her studio audience will get ONE. How unfair is THAT?!!!????

********************************************************************
If there's one show that I would really like to have my very own copy of the DVD is the reality show MANHUNT (showing every Tue, 10pm, Star World). This is like the male equivalent of America's Next Top Model. Drop dead gorgeous hunks clad in nothingware and bodies that will light your fire.....mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm................

Ladies, prepare your pillows 'cause you're gonna be biting them during the duration of the show......

********************************************************************
My cablay, John, is coming to town!!! Just the thought of hanging out with him makes my heart burst with happiness and sweet sentimentality! Kind of like the feeling you get when you hear Weezer's Say It Ain't So or Collective Soul's The World I know one afternoon when the color of the sky is amber......

He's gonna be here for nine days!!!! I'm sooo psyched!!!!

********************************************************************
A week after, it's my turn to go to Cebu!!! I'll be with my pal Dazed who's actually soo busy (albeit a little bit unlucky) getting a hold of the next VH1 swimsuit and some funky flip flops! We'll be there for a whole week! Our leaves are approved, our plane tickets already, our hotel reserved and hopefully, our activities mapped out!!

As a mindblowing bonus, THE Jars of Clay is holding their concert first in CEBU (feb 28). Manila will have to wait a few more days (Mar 2). My John insisted on treating us on the tickets!! Isn't he the sweetest???? (okay, tama naaaaaa)

2005-01-20T17:12:00.000-08:00

During the weekend, Dazed and I checked out the Gateway (pronounced Geet-wey hehehe) Mall in booming Cubao. The mall is very high-end and the structure resembles that of the Embarcadero Mall in California. Lots of high-end shops like those populating The Podium and Shang. Pizza Hut Bistro, which offers so much more in its menu than the regular Pizza Hut, made a steal when they snagged the indoor garden right smack at the heart of the mall and made it their "dining extension". Here, dining customers feel they are dining in style and the place feels very atmospheric. The movie houses are also kick ass, reminiscient of Greenbelt. The best moviehouses in the Metro? Shang Cineplex, Gateway Mall, Greenhills, The Podium, Libis and Greenbelt....in that order.

===================

I got a funny text from my sister that reads:

"Ate koy, nakita ko si Mark Cagouia sa poster. Ba't parang gumuwapo sya? Pwamis! Nag-iba yung fez nya!!"

And to think that during my Grace Under Fire days in the PBA Forums, Mark was the perennial subject of my own brand of sarcasm and pang-aapi. I swear to God I've never made so many enemies in my life! Within the second week of bashing Mark in the forums (I kinda posted he looked like a construction worker sniffing rugby with his blond hair out on the streets of the metro, ya know?), I literally had swarms of screaming, murderous Mark Cagouia fans after my ass......and one of them even traced my IP address......

The murderous fans told me "Di bale na magaling naman!" In the first place, sweethearts, I didn't bash Mark's ability to play basketball, he's a god, no doubt about it! I commented on how his "image" manager allowed him to don the abominable blond hair na sobrang hindi bagay....

===================

I didn't know that the scissor incident that I posted here sometime ago (but still unforgettable) was a phenomenon already. My friend Skye told me everyone in my account knows what happened and is actually injecting it to their everyday jokes. Cool. Let's see how Ms. Melanie Marquez reacts to that.

===================

Speaking of her greatness Ms. Melanie Marquez (NOTE: there should be a Miss before her name!), I received a text file of "Melanisms", a collection of actual quotes from the undisputed queen of quotable quotes (thanks Lei!). That just got me crying, man. Idol ko talaga.

Here it is. Enjoy!

- I won't stoop down to my level.
- Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
- 'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.
- Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo... Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.- We are lovers, not fighters.
- My brother is not a girl; he's a gentleman.
- That's why I'm a success, it's because I don't middle in other people's lives.
- Don't judge my brother; he's not a book.
- Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
- I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.
- Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.
- Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
- Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
- Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right.).
- At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). "Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"
- When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy: "Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."
- On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her kid: "He should be put behind bar."
- "You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four"
- While waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number. "Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes"
- I am not an addict!!! I am the victims!!!
- I'm proud of my LONG LEGEDNESS!!!
- You know what, Ate Luds, when you're alone, you really have to set your foot..ahhh..forward!!
- Vilma, we should all be realism!
- A okay lang yan boy kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded.

Of Dentists

2005-01-20T01:20:00.000-08:00

The reason why I hate going to the dentist, particularly MY dentist, is the looooong wait time. I think I've written numerous blogs before regarding the notoriety of my dentist when it comes to making you bleed waiting before you get your turn on the dentist's chair. Yesterday, I really psyched myself to go. It's been days since I lost that teeny weeny rubber band in my right upper molar bracket and the wire really pokes my inner cheek.....it's also been days I procrastinated going. About damn time I go (did I say I absolutely hated going?).

I got out at 5:30 pm from work and allowed a cushion of at least 3 hours wait time in the clinic's dreaded waiting room. I was really ready to WAIT. Surprise of all suprises, when I got there, there were only 2 people -- a couple, who both seem young, maybe 21 or 22. They're totally "comfortable" with the place and
start making these PDAs. Hmmm, maybe they don't consider me very "public" hehehe. I wanted to take a nap on the couch but the TV was too damn loud.......and the TV was locked to Mulawin. I decided to act fast before I'd go insane. I was eyeing the remote, but noticed that the two loveydoveys' alternate universe revolves around those people with feathers on TV. I resisted the urge to be a primadonna and ask the couple if they're gonna continue making out or if I can change the channel. I decided to just doze off. It's more practical.......and healthier.

Twenty minutes and an eternity later, it was finally my turn on the dentist's chair. But before I got my butt there I received a real kick-ass scolding from my dentist. I was supposed to have my braces checked every other Thursday but guess how many every other Thursdays I missed. I'm not sure if my dentist was that mad at me that he told me that he'll just get something from the drugstore and went outside and left me for dead for like forever.

I closed my eyes lounging on the dentist's chair at 6:27 pm. When I opened them again, it's 7:35. Yeah, that's why it's called CUSHION.

Random Thoughts

2005-01-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

I picked up my sis Kristel's phone call one day and heard a guy's voice at the other end. I asked who he is. He said his name is Leonard (he pronounced it LE-YOH-NARD). I handed my sis the phone and told her to tell this boytoy of her to pronounce his name right following the global standards crap. It should be pronounced LE-NARD. Now, my sis told me that LE-NARD developed a phobia on me and would opt not to talk to me should I ever pick up my sis phone call again.....at least he gave me a warning......

===================

My cablay, John, asked me one early morning of New Year's day what's my New Year's resolution (for some people, resolutions are just crap, but what the heck). I said I'd have better management of my work time -- go to work early and get out of the office on time. He said he can bet I won't be able to do that. He said he believes I can go to to work early BUT I cannot leave the office on time. Gee, thanks so much honey, you really mastered the art of rubbing salt. But come to think of it, you might have a point. Hehehe.

===================

I was listening to Hole's Violet and was just amaze how Courtney Love sing with so much passion and angst. I wish I could sing like her. I wish I had the opportunity to be the wife of Kurt Cobain even for a short, wasted time. Har har.

===================

The bracket on my right molar lost it's teeny weeny rubber band and now the wire is sticking out and brushing against my inner cheek which hurt like hell. Now I feel compelled to go to my dentist to have the band replaced. I hate going there 'cause he sees so many patients and by the time he's ready to see you, you're done watching two full-length HBO films on the waiting room's cable TV.

===================

I am now so friggin broke and so much in debt. I have a house to pay (I have to produce something like 60K within this month - OUCH), bills to pay, I owe my sister money, I have a tution fee to produce and I have my insurance seeing red. I am pathetically bringing packed lunch in the office with no dessert whatsoever. A meal without dessert is a killer. Good thing, I have one lousy Starbucks GC left. I'm ready to put my head in the noose and kick the chair for good.

===================

I was on vacation leave for two weeks and I spent each day gnawing through the indie films that my cablay, John, got me for Christmas. Some are gems, some are absolute downers:

* Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert
Claim to Fame: Guy Pearce in drag and he's wonderfully believable in it!!!!
Fall to Shame: It's a friggin road movie about, well, guys dressed in women's clothing.

* The Virgin Suicides
Claim to Fame: Kirsten (READ: Kirsten NOT Kristen) Dunst playing the slutty role for a change
Fall to Shame: John Hartnett's 70's do (NOT hottie at all, i'm sorry)

* The House With Laughing Windows
Claim to Fame: Violence, macabre and more violencen and macabre
Fall to Shame: Maybe it has to have its own genre...the story is just too flat for a classic Euro horror

* The Jar
Claim to Fame: I'm always a sucker for foreign indie dramas, what can I say?
Fall to Shame: Is Iran that poverty-stricken?

* Lord of The Flies
Claim to Fame: Wonderful ensemble cast...and the kid playing Ralph is kind of cute too
Fall to Shame: The guy playing "Ms. Piggy" looks like Jik......(peace baby Jik!)

* Irreversible
Claim to Fame: The screenplay is like Christopher Nolan's Memento -- told in reverse -- including the credits
Fall to Shame: The 15-minute rape scene in the subway is just too painful to watch

===================

I was browsing the Saturday newspaper (backwards) when I came across this picture of a hunka-hunka-burnin-love Bench model a la Tyson Beckford named Marcus (or is it Marc?) something and the caption reads:

.................he made Francine Prieto look expensive in the ad................

Gosh, does Francine Prieto really look that desperately cheap??!!??

Even my cablay says the "bumpers" award is definitely going Diana Zubiri's way......better luck next time Francine......habang may buhay, may pag-asa.....

===================

I was listening to Countdown 107 on NU on New Year's Eve and I was mildly disappointed that my song "Taning" from Imago was just at a lousy number 9 on the station's year-end countdown. Damn, I really love the words on that song...and the drums, man!.......the drums!!!

Taning - Imago

Sa'n mapupulot ang pag-asa
kung may katwiran ba ang sana
mithi ko ang iyong galak
langit ko ang iyong kanlungan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong hirap na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating
may taningtong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang tatabing
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Sa'n hihingi ng patawad
kung walang dalang dahilan
tangis ko ang iyong luha
nais ko ang iyong kalayaan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong hirap na humahanga

Christmas Thank You

2004-12-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

I never really got the opportunity to "really" thank all the people who made my Holidays a certified moment. So, please allow me, in my own little way, to advertise you guys here on my blog.

In random order, a HUGE HUGE THANK YOU to:

* My sis Kristel for my shirt and some free luncheon at Shakeys
* My sis Mars for doing everything she can to make me feel like a princess at home and for studying so hard
* Pie for the Revlon Eye Glider (gosh, Payee, you really ARE happy)
* Nina for my funky ballerina shoes and custom-made bead bracelets (can you please make me another one Nins? hehe)
* Syoks for a Maybelline Eye Pencil (you got my color Syoks....I'm gonna give you the smoky-eyes look)
* Gino and his lovely family for a kick-ass brown suede purse that my aunt loves so much
* Semier for the warm, thermal blanket (thanks for granting my wish Semier!)
* Ren for a very fashionable belt (really really liked it bading!! Starbucks tayo!)
* My Cablay, John, for getting me all 8 of the indie films in my wishlist (I'm gonna say thanks to you in some other way *wink wink* hahaha)
* My US-based friend Trina for her promise of Starbucks check (wuhoooo!!!)
* My Japanese agents, Hatsue and Yaeko for a very ethnic luck coin purse
* My manager, Daddy Gibs, for the funky Converse messenger bag
* Macromedia trainer, Jhon Tiamzon, for the delicious cookies
* Kurt for giving in to my persuasion to buy that 8 volume war documentary and lending it to me (asan na?)
* Jik for the Micheal Jackson Snowman handpuppet (awww!!)
* To whoever gave me the extremely cute kapiz star (thank you!, you should have written your name...)
* My aunt Nerie for the yummy pastillas
* My aunt Tess for the delicious mamon toasts and the gorgeous glasswork
* My mom for her love and for doing all the Noche Buena cooking -- the pansit and biko were trully orgasmic! Five stars mommy!
* My aunt for her love and for doing all the Media Noche cooking (but I was forced to make the Ref cake)
* To my friends and loved ones who sent me grand holiday greetings through card and texts
* To my entire APAC and Macromedia family who made me feel Sup work isn't work at all.........

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

ATM Spat

2004-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas is supposed to be a season of giving, yarnballs and yarnballs of patience and of course long queues in the ATM.....

Wanting desperately to get some cash to replenish my already depleted New Year budget, I queued up for the lone functioning ATM station inside the mall. Luckily (pun intended), I was the 32nd person in the line. I resisted the urge to shout "Fire!".

I did everything I can to still appear interesting for the sake of the bored children who maybe are in the unfortunate situation of being yanked by their artificial-happiness-hungry parents and tagged them a long for two hour and a half of shoving and pick-pocketing. I was praticing the different kinds of facial contortions, different ways of arranging the contents of my nearly-raped wallet and tried all ways of standing up with my weight on just one leg.......

The entertainment that I was hoping to happen was granted by a 50-ish couple who were behind me. They started arguing. The wife who obviously "loves talking" started blabbering about "getting out of the line and not paying attention" to his husband. The amusement came with everything on it. Drama, action, comedy....The wife started hitting his husband....and the husband
was trying his damnest to shield himself using his arms and hands. It was all so funny...except when I turned around, the wife was eyeing me piercingly. What did I do now??? I heard something about "nauna tuloy yung babae, ikaw kasi umalis ka pa sa pila". Oh, so now I was the reason of their argument? Cool. I was playing unaffected the next 3 minutes. Besides, it's not really my
fault. I got to the END of the line. As far as I know, I was the END. When the violence got too rough for me to ignore, I finally snapped. I turned around, gave them my fakest smile and positioned myself BEHIND them.

The wife gave me, in return, one her fake smiles. The husband nearly died of shame. At that time, I need more than a yarnball of patience......

2004-12-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

As I was walking to get something to eat from the mall, I was suddenly stopped by two pairs of indiscreet eyes belonging to girls, probably a little older than me. Their eyes swept from my head to my feet then back again...and they did this twice. Last time I checked in the mirror, my eyes and ears and nose and lips are where they should be. Their stares were unbelievably laughable, something reminiscent of the kind of reaction I got when I told a bunch of friends I've never experienced dysmenhorea at all.

I can only think of three reasons why those girls made me their 13-second entertainment:

a) Maybe it amazes them that I can pull off such a complicated string of mismatches.....I was wearing a green denim skirt, a light brown shirt with red lining and print, pair of low gray Chucks, a light blue Swatch on
left wrist, a light pink bowling band on right wrist and a pair of jade earings. Try to combine all those colors in your head, and you'll get a drowsy kaleidoscope......

b) My hair looks exactly like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby and it's making them feel scared shitless all over again.....

c) I look like Pikachu in drag.

I tilted my head a little and gave those girls some eyebrow action that's distinctly my own......

Flirting the NU 107 Way

2004-12-03T02:55:00.000-08:00

Listening to the "The First Show" with Trish on NU 107 has become an addicting habit, like drinking soya milk in the morning. Particulary when Trish and the resident Trapik.com reporter Nine-Inch Neil flirt with each other.

ON AIR, that is.

Here are some hands-down favorites:

=================================================================================Trish: Trish: Hi honey.

Nine Inch Neil: Hi baby.

Trish: I miss you.

Nine Inch Neil: Yeah. I'm here baby, now close your eyes. (Neil would then proceed to his traffic updates)

Trish: Thank you my dear.

Nine Inch Neil: You're welcome.

=================================================================================Trish: Trish: Good morning honey.

Nine Inch Neil: Hi!

Trish: Honey, it's raining.....you know how I am when it rains.....

Nine Inch Neil: .....and you know how I AM when it rains......

=================================================================================Trish: Trish: Honey?

Nine Inch Neil: Yup.

Trish: How are you my dear?

Nine Inch Neil: I'm great....do you want a fast or a slow poke?...........(what the hell is a poke?)

=================================================================================Trish: Trish: Hi honey!

Nine Inch Neil: Hey baby.

Trish: Ok, do your thing now. (Nine Inch Neil after doing the traffic report)

Trish: Thanks hon.

Nine Inch Neil: Anything for you. I'll see yah later.....

Christmasy

2004-11-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

My sister bought me a striped Pink Soda Shirt that's colored pink (har har) as a Christmas gift (and to think she boasted that she felt generous at that time...aahhhh...el cheapo!) last weekend and the store offered a freebie bag.....my sis chose the pink one as she says that the color will go along with my newly-purchased shirt. What a friggin fashion common sense.

I swore I'd never swipe my card again but I ate my words a mere 26 seconds after the words left my mouth. We so wanted to buy a new couch but Home Options didn't have the style we wanted. We're thinking of biting the made-to-order scheme. Moss green is the color of Christmas!!

My gift to my Cablay is ready to roll. His creativeness in making me slip to tell him what I got him didn't work. Niiiiiiccccceeee try honey. My Christmas gift list is now 12 inches long. To think my "inaanaks" are yet to be included (chuckle, chuckle)....can I be exiled come Christmas???

Since Christmas is the time of giving and making people wallow in materialistic nonsense (hehehe, it's true!), I just thought of posting my very own holiday wishlist. Here goes:

* Lacoste bag (the red one!)

* I Mother Earth's "Scenery and Fish" CD

* A pair of All Boxed Up pajamas

* Karimadon's white skirt with floral patterns (Medium)

* Starbucks Cert equivalent to 6 Grande Fraps pwede?

* Indie films: (you can get it from Filmspotting *wink, wink*)

Jar, The (Ebrahim Foruzesh)
Battle Royale (Kinji Fukasaku)
Casa dalle Finestre che Ridono, La (House with the windows that Laugh) (Pupi Avati)
Irreversible (Gaspar Noe)
Ratcatcher (Lynne Ramsay)
Labyrinth (Jim Henson)
Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (Akira Kurosawa)
Lord of the Flies (Alfonso Cuarón)
Virgin Suicides, The* (Sofia Coppola)

Who ever says I'm high maintenance???!!!???

Nasty Volley

2004-11-29T20:40:00.000-08:00

My funky Cablay and I played a cutthroat game going at each other's guts one day (for lack of better things to do) and came up with this idea that we would play "word tennis" and attack each other with each of our flaws. The game is simple: the more flaws you can think of, the better. Once you ran out of something nasty to say, you lose. There's just one catch, you have to open your sentence with......"Ich Liebe dich even though......"

(here are some of my attacks to my funny cablay......)

.....he can't ollie....oh yeah, I saw him ollie using the finger board and after like 3 times (or was it 5 times), he finally did it...but that doesn't count, does it??

.....he sucks at tagalog....think of donita rose or charlene gonzales when they were just starting out in showbizness, that's how he is in tagalog.....he asked me one day which is the right sentence: "ayoko ng umiyak or mag-iyak"....i nearly cried of laughter.....

.....he says he can dance like usher and he can copy any dance move being shown in MTV....but he CAN'T breakdance......so jay'r in sun cellular ad has the edge?

.....he can't get xaymaca right...no matter how many times i say that to him....he would always pronounce it xa-may-ca......or he would stop midway in his sentence and make a conscious effort not to say xa-may-ca because he knew i would just laugh at him and quickly replace it with "reggae bar".....chuckle, chuckle....honey, read my lips, it's XAY-MA-CA.....all together now....XAY-MA-CA.....

.....he would call so early in the morning to wake me up and when i tell him i just did my crunches while talking to him, he made the corniest comment like "nestle crunch?"....sheesh....and he's telling me i'm corny...

.....he would contradict himself.....like texting me he's not gonna watch movie alone, but lo and behold the next day, there he was watching a movie in Ayala alone.....

.....he swears he's gonna work out to get usher's abs....riiiiggghhhhttttt......

.....he stalked a celebrity when he was a teener and sent a love letter to her house!!!.....he didn't get a response back......awwww.....

.....did i mention he's named after the pope which totally sucks??.....

.....he looks like a pointguard, has the height of a pointguard, but he sucks at basketball.....uhm.....go figure....

Ich Liebe dich meine schatz!

My Elevator Booboo

2004-11-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

This morning, when I got in the elevator, I immediately pressed "43" on the right panel. I noticed that the number "44" was also pressed. Thinking that I had accidentally pressed the "44", I cancelled it by double-pressing. This other guy (we're the only ones in the lift), apparently also from Macromedia , shook his head and pressed the "44" again. I got really embarassed and I was wearing my earphones listening to some mp3s when I blurted "I'm sorry!!". I actually saw the poor guy jumped a little because I screamed "I'm sorry" at him really loudly. Did I say I was wearing earphones?????

Do the Scissor Dance

2004-11-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

Macromedia APAC's existence on the 43rd floor got flurried when another account moved in: AT&T. But we think this incident is more disturbing:

A lady with the most arched eyebrows and the most demeaning pout ever (apparently a supervisor) went to the Macromedia APAC area one afternoon and asked the agents around who's the Team Lead in charge. They all pointed Cathy. Cathy was standing talking to Jik about an issue while Ms. Arched Eyebrows was eyeing Cathy waiting for her to finish. Cathy, sensing someone in her peripheral vision, turned around and saw Ms. Arched Eyebrows. Cathy finished talking to Jik and asked Ms. Arched Eyebrows how can she help her:

Ms. Arched Eyebrows: Cathy?
Cathy: Yes?
Ms. Arched Eyebrows: Do you have scissor? (she pronounced it see-sor)
Cathy: Scissors? (Cathy pronounced it see-sers)
Ms. Arched Eyebrows: No, just one lang............(wtf???)
Cathy: Oh, you mean a pair of scissors????? (oh my fucking gulay)

Isn't that the most disturbing???? The quality of education, man! Tell me about it!

2004-11-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

Haha. My ultra-talented, mp3-extraordinaire, usher-dancing , pointguard-looking ramrod (who also doubles as my honey) sent me Ryan Cabrera's On My Way Down through IM. I remember I asked him this weeks ago but he said he didn't have it. But he remembered!!! I'm just ecstatic. For a friggin song. Jesuschrist.

Ganda ng words man, look:

On my way down,
I saw you and you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you love me

On my way down,
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you.

Give me a yell if you want to have the file. Disclaimer: I'm not related to Ryan Cabrera. I've never even seen any of his friggin music videos....

2004-11-03T01:21:00.000-08:00

I speak to you in riddles because I'm afraid my words will get in the way........

2004-10-30T01:18:00.000-07:00

I am bathing in the salt-watered sting of normalness. The demons behind will never catch up. The Beautiful One will cast a spell and will sweep me like I've never been swept before. I will write letters that will have lives of their own.

As I am scribbling words across this paper, my tears blot the ink and the paper that will be handed to you is soggy with admiration.

2004-10-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

I will remain in the shadows of your scar. I've become a fiercer monster. Run to me and I will no longer face you weeping.

2004-10-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

I so wanted to hold the water but the water slips through with insulting indifference.

The question is no longer "am I ugly?" but "am I pretty enough?".

2004-10-18T02:35:00.000-07:00

My grasp of grammar seemed to have deserted me. Curveball haunted my speech. I was bleeding inside and didn't even notice. The silver lining became black again. The past experience stripped me of the things I hold dear. And I couldn't get them back.

I found myself staring at a wall today. I was given something special and it was snatched back. Let there be vacuum inside. I will enjoy numbness if it means I will no longer feel pain.

Did I really feel the earth moving or was it just me vibrating in exhaustion?

2004-10-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

To My October:

Even in the dying seconds of your memory, I find it overwhelmingly surprising that I haven't fell apart. For even in the last fragment of what I've held as an indication of you, you still thought of me, albeit, unconsciously, and preserved my self-respect that you've always held proud. You took it slow and methodical, until the mind becomes numb but the spirit became free. So, please give yourself a huge pat on the back for a job well done. You conditioned me very well. And if one day, in the middle of a busy street, I happen to pick you out in the crowd, I would like to see your future conquest donning the black brassiere that had been a perennial focus of a private joke that only the two of us know and I would seek your gaze and give you a snappy wink that I still have trouble perfecting to this day.

The meine schatz position had just been vacated. And I'm saying this with my broadest smile. It's a necessity that I have to sign off in style.

A toast, the sweetest German farewell and my tightest hug for my October whom I've only known briefly but shattered the illusions of my old monster self. Auf wiedersehen, mein Freund.

"Throughout her twenties, Elizabeth longed for a man who would sweep her off her feet. She knew that marriage was something that would never come easy to her, but she felt that the right man would be powerful enough to shield her from what she imagined to be the horrors of it. She waited and waited, but the man with the powers to sweep never appeared."

-- Foggage, PATRICK MCGINLEY

2004-10-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

I now know what I lack or have an abundance of. I am counting down on the days I will engage you again. And if you die on me, I will go to your funeral smiling. Like a passerby with no relation to the one interred. So that no one will notice I was once a piece of your puzzle.

.......one that you tried to complete but miserably failed.

2004-10-01T01:57:00.000-07:00

Today, as I was drawing water from the faucet to drink a capsule containing my make-believe hopes of retaining my invincibility, I realized how my life has always been a good joke. I didn't laugh.

2004-09-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of putting titles to every entry, so I'm just gonna skip while I 'm having an irreversible decision not to do it at the moment.

The bracket in my 1st left molar decided not to cling anymore and now I'm in the middle of chewing a home-made walnut cookie in my right cheek which makes it all unorthodox. Now this gives me an excuse to go see my dentist whom I've evaded for 2 weeks.

The bloke that I thought I had scared away forever came back asking me how I am. I gave him the lethargic "I'm always sassy".

The two single beds were delivered yesterday and our bedroom now looks like a flea market showroom.

I never had a decent sleep the last four days and now I'm struggling to complete a KPI report that was just inserted in my daily task list.

Carrie Bradshaw gave his ex-boyfriends' friends a piece of her mind for breaking up with her on a post-it that says: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me". I would have done the same thing. Probably worse.

Cannot wait for the next week to come. I will pursue the one who got away using the Bowling for Columbine premier screening on cable. I still think I should be his best friend from hell.

Dangerous Curves Ahead

2004-09-28T01:57:00.000-07:00

Finally. I was able to watch The Apprentice on ABC last night. This is the one show that I had been dying to see for months and lady luck stuck with me yesterday. I finished my work ahead of schedule and went home on time. For a change. Even my aunt turned ghostly pale when I came home at 8 pm. Ako ito tean....hindi ako aparisyon......(hyuk hyuk hyuk)

In a boob-tube world where reality shows reign supreme, there are only quite a handful that I'm not averse to saying I really love. The Amazing Race is an all-time favorite. I always root for older folks more than the younger ones to win. And maybe the greatest bitch of all time is Flo of AR 3 (can Zach keep the whole 1 million dollars to himself and not split it with Flo please?). America's Next Top Model is a staple in my Saturday night viewing. I just love seeing gorgeous women clawing at each other for the plum prize. Queer Eye for a Straight Guy is just friggin hilarious. Carson Kressley is sooo gay and I just loove him to death. He (or she?) reminds me so much of Ian, sobra.

Forgot to mention that I am a new proud owner of a pair of Chuck Taylors, baby!!!! Because I was soo broke, I tricked my sister into charging her card for me. Sabi ko sa payday na lang bayad. Pumayag naman. Ayus!!!

Next important purchase: Adidas timepiece

Cannot wait for my hair to grow!!!! Grrrrrrr!!!! I wanna have dreads NOW!!!! Gumagamit na nga ako ng Sunsilk for slow-growing hair eh. Bakit ba ang bagal ng buhok tumubo?

DazedAngel and I were walking in Megamall yesterday on our way home and I swear I had the most insane craving for Cinnabon. DazedAngel actually cleared me out of temptation by showing me the escalator while I took one last glance at the Cinnabon display with my sad, longing eyes. Then I told her the story of her "teddy bear" complimenting me on my looks now that I've lost weight. After that moment, DazedAngel had a change of heart. She asked me if I wanted to go back to Cinnabon. Hirit ko, "eh di ba kanina lang namimigil ka?". She then asked me jokingly if I wanted a Starbucks Green Tean Frap (favorite ko to). "Di ba wala na tayong pera?" Eto ang sagot ng bading: "Okay lang, ica-card ko!" Soo tama?????? Kahit wala ng pera basta tumaba lang ako???? Pero eto lang, your teddy bear is soooo bagay to you! He has my vote! I'll do everything in my limited power para mapasaiyo sya!!!!

Rape na itohhh!!!! Yun lang!

Yes, Yyyyyyee------NO!

2004-09-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

Ah, three days off and I feel that it's still not enough. I decided to peel my VLs slowly, so it won't go to waste come conversion time. I didn't go to work Friday, and Samstag and Sonntag are regular sabath days for me. Three days straight. As a consolation, I think I had a few things done. No, not done. Make it, things I manage to get started. I've always wanted to have the film script that I made in college finally encoded for printing. This was the controversial film script that almost didn't get accepted as a school project because my professor accused me of plagiarism. Was the script that good to have him think like that? I'm not flattered at all. I got to at least 6 solid pages before I started to feel pain in my neck and upper back. I glanced at the time and what do you know, it's 3 in the morning. I made a promise to myself that I will encode at least 10 pages every weekend so I can finally print it out before Christmas (coincidentally, the film is set in New York, Christmas time). That'll make a wonderful "Nightmare Before Christmas" read to those who care to see it. BTW, the story revolves around a methodical serial killer who based his killings on children's fairy tales.

My squatter sister Tolak and I finally sat down and made plans to "furnish" our bare bedroom and even though she just came from work and was awake for a good 24 hours, she agreed that we go to Megamall and check their selections. We fell in love with one of their single bed models but of course, trust Megamall not to fail to come up with annoying surprises that make you think of strangling the next salesman nearest you. We needed two of the same bed model. They only had one in stock. When asked how long would it take for an order made, they said 4 weeks. Thanks but no thanks. Remind me to send Megamall a Season's Greetings card. We had no choice but to turn to the "next best" model. Talk about lowering your standards. Scheiße!!!

The weekend also gave me the opportunity to do the two things that I love the most: marathon video watching and people-watching. I combed Video City and rented about 6 videos:

The Ladykillers - this Ethan and Joel Cohen film didn't get that much of the usual good reviews for a Cohen flick. Obviously, not one of their strongest films. Nevertheless, this has the staple dark, satirical teatment that is the brother's trademark. 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.

Zatoichi - Takeshi Kimura's latest offering inspired Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill. If you like samurai films, this is the one for you. Every frame of this movie contributes to the whole. No scene is wasted. As an added bonus, watch out for the tap dancing finale minutes before the end credits roll. 4 1/2 stars for its first-class, fluid editing.

Willard - Reviews have this as one of the best films of 2003. But I find it not very engaging save for Crispin Glover's performance in the title role. 2 1/2 out of 5 stars.

The Guru - I love everything that has Marissa Tomei in it. But she has competition in Heather Graham and this guy in turbans in terms of screen time. Laughs were cued perfectly. I had a good time. 3 out of 5 stars.

Jude - Based from a Thomas Hardy novel, Jude the Obscure. Tragic and hard to swallow, but I'm a sucker for dark films who defy conventions so I'm giving it 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.

The Knockaround Guys - Honestly, I have no idea this movie existed in video in the first place. Barry Pepper, Vin Diesel, John Malkovich and Seth Green on the cover had my hand lifting this off the rack so fast, I knocked the videos in the same rack out and they all toppled to the ground. Mob action and cute guys in three-piece breasted suits. 3 out of 5 stars.

And while queueing to pay the video rent, one of the customers asked the attendant if they have Resident Evil 2 available. Attendant says, not yet. She was polite enough not to smirk. If I was asked that same question, I would have snapped. Ah, miss wala pa nga sa sinehan yun eh. Anong akala mo sa Video City, your friendly neighborhood Greenhills? Dibidi....dibidi, dibidi!

Picture me rolling my eyes again.

Not Quite There

2004-09-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Something is seriously wrong with me. Last night, I dragged DazedAngel (danke meine Liebe!) to watch the latest Chito Rono flick Feng Shui. I tried damn hard to finish my reports early so we can get out at 7 pm. We got out at zehn vor acht but that's beside the point. I mentally prepared myself for a scary ride as there were at least 8 people (including my squatter sister) who swore by their unflinching eyelids that the movie is hella scary with a capital A. I'm the type who's not easily impressed, let alone lay a judgement on a particular movie just by collating mini reviews from people who've already seen it. I'd rather see it with my own four eyes and freeze my butt off on a last-full show. But come on man, 8 people? So after battling the late-night traffic, we finally got to Robinson's cinema and entered the mid-movie 8:10 screening.

I was expecting something Ring-like. I was expecting something naturally scary, not set-up scary. I was expecting a goose-bumpy screenplay. How many Asian horror flicks have we seen in this country anyways? The acting was so bad it's perverse! The ones who "didn't" act were the ones who shine....and these are the second fiddlers: Cherrie Pie Picache and Joonee Gamboa....the rest can go to hell. The movie offered some scares but the surprises appeared rehearsed and forced. If not for the advancement in make-up and photography, this film would fall flat on its face. I can't help but compare it to the first Shake, Rattle and Roll. Man, that was a genuine killer. Even to this date, the Ref episode still gives me the chills.

I therefore conclude that there's something wrong with me. Those 8 people who recommended I watch the film are on the same flow. I was the one swimming against the current. I'm not particularly proud of it, but seriously, 8 people? How can you punch a hole that is the weight of the probability of 8 people within your circle liking the same film?

This is not the first time. I've always been the kontra-bulate. When the American Film Institute (AFI), Toronto International Film Festival, and Palm Beach International Film Festival applauded the film "Small Voices" (Mga Munting Tinig), I found myself immediately watching the film on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Ten minutes into the film and I was shaking my head already. I asked God, please don't let this be our official entry to Oscars Foreign Film race because this is obviously not a strong contender. Well, I didn't pray hard enough.

How very smarty-pants of me not to agree with the AFIs and the Palm Beach and the Toronto Film organizations. Maybe I'm a perfectionist who refuses to settle for a mediocre local effort. Maybe I'm a madman who cannot think straight. Maybe I have glaucoma that impairs my vision. Maybe I'm a pretentious bitch who thinks her opinion matters when it really doesn't. Maybe I'm arching my piss too high, I'll eventually drink my own urine (borrowed from my grace under fire days). Maybe I'm just a hard-to-please asshole.

Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted bastard.

The Virus Carrier

2004-09-20T04:28:00.000-07:00

If you're a Michael Crichton fan, don't go hysterical because the Virus Carrier is not the latest Crichton novel. The Virus Carrier is actually my youngest sister and that made me her latest victim, the unwilling virus catcher. I was soooo feverish this last weekend and still I had the gall to combed the mall in search of the elusive black dress. My throat hurt like hell, my head throbbed like a madman on Prozac and I did my negotioations with various salesladies with my ngongo voice. Ya know, like "Me-on ayung des na blak? Yung me olar at eiby sleeves?" Poor salesgirls, they don't get paid enough to tell straight to my face that I go to hell while I still can.

After trying on some dressy dresses that look like they came from Morticia Adam's closet, my Plains & Prints visit hit pay dirt. It's not the dress I had in my head but close enough. The black dress now became the denim dress. Come to think of it, I don't own a single denim dress. Time to add this must-have to the wardrobe list (oh my gawd, my fashionista friend would be proud, man!). While paying for the denim find, I browsed through their cologne and scents collections and man, they had one that smelled like.....like.....like teen spirit! (nyehehe).....ewan, basta mabango! I didn't think twice and queued the cologne to the cashier. So, Victoria's Secret..out ka muna for a month ha? That's my impulsive purchase, ladies and dogs.

Sunday, I received a text from blind date asking how's our Ops last week. I knew my cellphone had a new incoming message but nothing can lift my eyes off the TV while concentrating on the PBA-KBL Preseason games featuring the best team ever (in my opinion at least) Alaska Aces (if you say something bad about them, I swear to God, I'd break your neck, you just try and let's see how much blood you have in your veins, buddy). I didn't mean to be pa-importante by not answering his message right away. Kasalanan nya, wrong timing mag-text eh. Lesson learned: You check the PBA Alaska sched first and then you text Cathy. After the preseason games (we won BTW, kelangan pa bang imemorize yan?), I texted back. One liner lang na parang bangag: "Wassup bro? Oks naman Ops."
Then he texted back: I'm bumming here at home. I have to rest, I was always gone sa weekends eh, kayo wala gimik?" I dozed off for 3 hours and then I saw his message (nilalagnat ako eh, bakit ba?). I responded: "Wala. We did our gimiks after work. I decided to have dreadlocks so I can go back to meine schatz and stalk his band again!" LOL. He never texted back. Nice doggy-doggy.

My sister Tolak woke up from deep stupor (nyehehe) after just having barely 4 hours of sleep and she excitedly showed me some of her prized purchases from....tantararaaannn.....Divisoria Mall. Boy, she bought a lot. Jeans, shirts....kala mo pangbenta eh. She also bought some for my youngest sister, Mars, the virus-carrier. She then proceeded to compare the prices of the mall stuff from the Divisoria stuff and scolded me because I was so not practical daw. I just rolled my eyes. Okay, here we go again. I just blurted, "eh hindi ako squatter tulad mo no?" Sabay tawa. She also laughed a hearty one. She enjoys it whenever I call her squatter. To this date, I can't fathom why. I never dared ask. Our morning talk shifted to movies and she recommended that I watch Feng Shui because the filmmaking was soo much like The Ring. I said last movie I watched was the Exorcist Prequel at Shang. I asked her where she watched Feng Shui. She said Tutuban Center. Yun na. Ang squatter kong kapatid. Bow.

The Litmus Paper Test

2004-09-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we went hunting for that elusive black dress that I've been raving about since I saw one in Rockwell. We went to different shops in Megamall, still the hunt is on. Why the need for a black dress? The look that I'm going for is the tough-ass look, bohemian but not too gothic. I'm planning to have the black dresss paired with black ballerina shoes (or maybe pink? tee-haw, musta na pareng W!). The hair is dreadlocked, industrial dreads tied by malleable wires. Blue eyeshadows (thinking of olive green - suggested by the getting-popular-by-the-minute DazedAngel, naks!), up and under (as Kapow would put it - thanks love). I wanted the look so bad I can almost taste it. Hahaha....meine October's jaw would drop.....give me two weeks pare.......

====================================================================

Can you believe that my insurance agent had me undergo the medical exam here in our office! Urine test included! But no fear......getting urine samples in a jar and waiting for days to get the result is a thang of the past, honey. The doctor handed me a tiny strip of color-coded litmus paper. He instructed me to pee directly on the color coded boxes. So I did. When I handed the strip back to the doctor, he snatched it from my hands without reservations. This is where I bow down to medical practitioners. They'd touch almost anything. Microbes and infections from touching other people's things are almost as remote to them as finding dinosaurs in the middle of Roxas Blvd. The paranoia of having that litmus paper teeming with fatal bacteria from my piss is non-existent. What if I didn't pee directly on the color codings? What if I peed on the whole strip? For chrissakes, it was 3 millimeters by 1 millimeter, my eye-piss coordination is not that excellent!!!!

And that tiny strip of paper with 4 pastel color shades will tell you with 99% accuracy, if you're acidic, have diabetes or kidney disease. Fancy that. A strip of paper playing God. Un-friggin-believable.

The Seventh Deadly Sin - Sloth

2004-09-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

Man, I was so exhausted. I slept at 1 am in the morning yesterday to finish a presentation that I don't really have a good idea how to start in the first place. It was a friggin miracle I was able to squeeze something out of my coconut. I got to maybe 4 ppt slides and my eyes felt heavy. The call of my bed got stronger. I relented. Even in my dreams, I saw the slides in my preso. Friggin pathetic.

Told myself I'd go to work early to really get down and serious with my preso. Haha. I woke up at 7 am. The presentation is at 1 pm. By 10 am, I still don't have a substantial data to present. Trying not to be in panic mode but I got no choice. Man, it's really hard to do something you're not really into, ya know? I didn't want this training in the first place. It was shoved down my throat. And now I have to present so I can have a certificate. Tell you what, you can all have your friggin certificate and shove it up your fat arse............I didn't say that out loud. You must be reading my mind. LOL.

It was a mini panel interview where the smiles got you more nervous rather than assure. If you break down easily, you could have thrown yourself off the 43rd floor. The only saving grace I had was that the trainer and my manager still appreciated what I did. Gawd, they just didn't know that the preso is made up of 30% chomped confidence and 70% suck-me-dry-and-i-still-don't-care-frame-of-mind. And here's a killer: the trainer told my manager that during the training, he didn't have to pay much attention to me because I already know what I'm doing and I carry myself really well. Not only did it sound cheesy but yeah, the only thing missing was him giving me a wink and sugar-coated flying kiss. But no, he wasn't hitting on me. Di talo. He called me bakla three times that day. Sister, not in your lifetime.

Clean Slate

2004-09-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

I decided to be in the driver's seat, take control and try to simplify my threatening-to-blow-out-of-proportion existence. I always speak my mind and so hindi ako makatiis kung meron akong tinatagong lihim. (dear tia dely)

====================================================

First stop: The KGB mission that I had with DazedAngel last Saturday was a disaster waiting to happen which actually happened. We came, we saw.......and we were seen.....Plan A was simple (we'll go there and if we're not seen eh di okay! we'll leave as quietly as we came), Plan B was in place (if we're seen and they recognized us and said hi, then we'll say hi back! no need to hide).....but nothing prepared us on the inveitable and the spontaneous and so we reacted what the typical bored and clueless lass would....dedma!....we walked literally in front of the target......nagmamadaling lakad.....nakatungo......DazedAngel pressed her friendly cellphone sa ears nya faster than the speeding bullet while I was left with nothing to do except gaze down even more!! (I should have pretended rummaging through my purse, christ almighty)....kebs na! And when we rounded the first turn and assumed that we're not seen anymore, that's when we started being hysterical!!! Fu--ing hilarious, pare.

Come Sunday, I was seriously debating whether I'd text him or not. Did he see us? Did he recognize us? Siguro naman no, kasi lumakad kami sa tapat nya...and when we passed by, they stopped talking. You can still feel their freaking eyes on you even after walking a mile. So after soliciting "opinions" from my rockin friends, I decided, what the hell. I really have to tell him I was there. And maybe ask why didn't they play DazedAngel's song. That could have made our day. Shorten ko na lang bridge ha?

ako: how you doin champ? we saw your band play last sat. you guys rock as usual. you didn't play our song!!
sya: really? you guys were there? with who? why didn't you tell me? how are you?

So kelangan puro tanong...teka hinga ka muna, champ....if i told you we were coming, is there something you'd do differently??

ako: yes we were there. you didn't see us, really? we were the one who requested for the song. we walked in front of you and you didn't notice! it was hysterical!!

I waited 3 hours and no response....

ako: sorry didn't mean to offend. it was just funny kasi we thought you saw us. we thought of saying hi but you were with bandmates. it's a bit awkward. (yeah, right) Are you mad?

4 hours and no response......nagalit na ko, promise........

ako: you know what champ? you have to be transparent sometimes. nothing is achieved with you sulking. you hafta speak your mind. if you don't want to talk to anyone, you gotta say that. if you're mad, you gotta tell me. say something for chrissakes!

Um. Ayan. Nakarinig ka tuloy sa kin. Kelangan galitin pa ko eh....I totally gave up...I didn't expect to receive a response anymore. The next day...

sya: I'm not mad, bakit naman? Sayang lang kasi di kita nakita at nakausap. Ingat and have a good one.

I rolled my eyes and blurted, whatever, sweetheart! My October is really a funny guy. No, make it hysterical.

====================================================

Second stop: Before the KGB mission, I was dragged to a dinner invitation by this blind date that I thought would be a one-time affair. Boy, was I wrong. If I only knew, I would have inserted my head in the noose and kicked the chair for good. Really nice guy. We practically have the same interests. We even have the same favorite serial killer for chrissakes! Has a great job. Intelligent. Car. Knows how to have a good time. Knows his music, TV shows, films, books and politics extremely well. The problem: I'm not physically attracted and there's no butterflies in the stomach and man, he's waayyyyy tooo serious!!! Pwede naman tumawa da ba???? So, he thought I'm his soulmate or something. NOT! At kelangan nagyaya pa sa Tagaytay??? So ang nasabi ko na lang...."ah, talaga"...Hindi naman ako sa nagmamaganda....there lots of girls out there who are definitely better-looking...he has to be open to options, ya know?

If he invites me again (sana huwag na da ba?), I'd definitely take the opportunity to make him understand that there's no way, Jose. Of course in a decent, acceptable way. That I haven't plotted yet. How do you lose a guy without driving a dagger to his heart? Pretend kang si Snooky Serna before the make-over sa Blusang Itim. Jesus H. Christ. This has got to STOP, pare......

Things to Do in Denver

2004-09-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

Things to do before I hit the sack forever:

* Ride the BMX again and do some kick-ass tricks with it
* Enroll in Meralco Automative course (I wanna fix some cars, pare)
* Learn higher German (basic pa lang alam ko eh, bakit ba?)
* Learn to play violin and harmonica and be really good with it (hindi pang-display lang, hehe)
* Wear dereadlocks again (this time papasunog ko na)
* Ride the skateboard again (binabalik ang college grunge japorms - nyways payat na ko)
* Voice lessons (I really think with the proper training I can really be kick-ass next Lea Salonga man! ahem)
* Take up Street Dancing (meron sa gym nito kaso lang gusto ko hindi unfortunate-looking na trainor, namili pa? hehe)
* Euro friggin tour (malay mo magmala-Before Sunrise ako?)
* I wanna play drums again (I seem to have lost my touch kasi)
* Try some auditions to be a sports analyst sa PBA (audition lang ha?)
* Ask TJ Manotoc out if I have the chance (ito yung hindi na pinga-iisipan pa)
* To have a collection of Therion CDs
* All the movies I want eh mapanood ko na
* Be a basketball coach para matapik ko lahat ng butts ng players as often as I want (walang magrereklamo!)
* Be a Benetton chinita ad model (I swear kamukha ko talaga yung isa dun)
* Tour Vietnam
* Publish my film script (na sinabi ng professor ko na plinaigarized ko daw sa sobrang ganda siguro - kapal)
* Get down and dirty with my short story

Battle of the Inner Senses

2004-09-10T02:29:00.000-07:00

The SMS:
ed gein: ei, how are you? invite sana kitang mag-watch ng supersize me, kaya lang nung tiningnan ko sa greenbelt, wala na....

What I wanted to say:
"i watched that movie already with my friends a week ago. sorry i haven't thought of watching it with you. tough luck, joe. ba't kasi ngayon mo lang naisip eh matagal ng nagra-run yun?"

What I eventually said:
"sorry. hintayin na lang natin sa video. " {with matching smiling face pa ang lola mo}

haay. sinungaling na lang talaga....pag ako sumagot sa text devoid of emotions at naging one liner lang yan....ibig sabihin......read between the lines nga, pare.......

God, my stand-up comic

2004-09-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

My conversations with God has always been a practice of my feeble attempt to be funny. I mean, I think I'm hilarious even if a conscious effort was not thrown - but not in a Jerry Seinfeld or a Paul Reiser kind of way. I think everyone's gotta have a trademark humor, you know? My sister said my humor is deadliest when it's deadpan. Whatever.

So, everytime I chuck up enough courage to ask God what I want in prayers (I usually don't want to ask a lot of things from God knowing how big his ego is, jeez) and those things were not answered in my dictated timeline, I'd ask God what the heck he's been up to and if he's so busy watching the Republican Convention he forgot all about me. Or when things don't go the way I planned it to be, I'd say "God, you have myopic or something? You always see things your way. You better see an eye doctor, fast." Or when I'm in one of those aha moments and it suddenly dawned on me that God really works in mysterious ways, I can't help but take a moment and blurt out, "You big know-it-all, you happy now, huh????" Seriously. This is how I talk with the Big Man. I think he doesn't mind. I've no plans of crossing the blasphemy zone. I haven't completely lost my mind. Yet.

God is confident. So confident in fact that he nurses a big ego. He knows that man suffers. It's all there in the Bible. Take the story of Job for example. But here's what kills me. He knew. And yet he doesn't take the misery away. He wanted man to keep looking for him, to keep praying. What a suck up. See what I mean? And what does he do? Oh, in his ever infinite wisdom, he created gravity so the birds would go nowhere but down if you shoot them. Try to picture the look on the hunters' faces if birds would stay suspended in the air even after they're dead, bloodied and all. Genius isn't it? Trust God can only do that!

So, God, here's my analogy on you:

I need love,
You are love,
I need you.

So, whatchathink? Fancy, huh? That's the problem with you, you don't give me enough credit that I can create something like that. Where's the love? Where IS the love??? Jeez.

Alright. You probably knew even before I started writing this that I copied it only from a Sonic Flood song. You won again. You read my mind. Fine. I hate it when you do that. But, we're still friends, right?

Untitled

2004-09-06T03:55:00.000-07:00

you came to me
with your makeshift smile
i feel the odds ran out
your lies are enough
to keep me here
i am but a broken shadow
in your dreams
who licks fruit-printed paper
for dinner
give me a new kind of disease
and we'll suffer together

Free Verse

2004-09-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

Funny. I gave this poem as a gift to a friend on his birthday ages ago. I told him that he can do anything to this poem because the copyright is now his (as if this has the potential to be an Alanis Morisette material -- in your dreams honey).

I wrote this on his birthday card and made a kick-ass knot of pink ribbon. Jesus H. Christ loser, what the hell were you thinking???....

in the mornings to come,
i would like to see your face
illuminate the most blinding glow,
the strength of that
would lull me back to sleep,
and your touch
would take my worries away
and drive the fears
and turn them to cliches
...............that can't hurt
.............................can't impair,
.........................................and can't frighten.

all i can see
are my dirty, calloused hands,
and then you buried it with yours
and in the next breathe,
i cannot see

my own rough hands anymore.

Movies in My Mind

2004-08-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

I don't remember how exactly I was mesmerized by the magic of cinema. But the one thing I specifically recall was that in high school, we were encouraged to watch Schindler's List for extra credits in World History. The Holocaust and the Nuremberg Trial were unknown terms to me. Thanks to Spielberg, my untapped passion for the celluloid surfaced and World History became my most favorite subject of my whole academic years. I cried my first bucket of tears in that movie. I may not remember every characters' names but I can certainly remember the exact moment that character shines.

Here's my list of films that put my tear ducts in overdrive (and are worth more than a thousand boxes of Kleenex) in random order:

* Door to Door - This made-for-TV movie rekindled my romance with every William H. Macy performance. His intensity on screen is always a wedding bliss -- without the painful estrangement at the end.

* In America - An Irish family's struggle when they migrated to the Land of the Promise. It also boasts one of the most heartfelt lines ever written on screen: "Why didn't you look for me?" "I didn't look for you because I always know where to find you"

* Schindler's List - Liam Neeson's Oskar Schindler giving a speech before his Jews, tearfully apologizing because he couldn't save enough of them.

* The Hours - Julianne Moore's depressed housewife inside the bathroom trying very hard to sound cheerful to husband John C. Reilly's call to come to bed while masking her desperate sobs. She should have won the Oscar for this scene alone.

* All or Nothing - Mke Leigh created an absolute tearjerker. I cried so hard, my slit eyes even got smaller and I couldn't see for a day.

* Monster's Ball - Heath Ledger's character, realizing none of his good deeds are ever recognized by his unmoved father, bid his goodbye to the world by shooting himself.

* The Shawshank Redemption - The friendship that binds. Good men always get their due.

* Murder in The First - To this day, I still don't have any idea why Kevin Bacon wasn't even nominated for an Oscar acting plum.

* Edward Scissorshands - I waited years to be able to finally see this on video. Good things come to those who wait.

* The Cider House Rules - This will not merely tug at your heartstrings. This will yank out your heart so hard, you'd think you needed a transplant....fast.

* The End of The Affair - A love story set in WWII. Powerful screenplay. Superb performances. Hauntingly gorgeous. One of my bests.

* Boys Don't Cry - Hilary Swank had me in the trailer. Come Oscar night, I was praying to all the gods she'd win. The gods didn't disappoint.

* Nowhere in Africa - A German family's escape to Africa when Hitler's terror struck. There's something in the African barren lands and desolate vistas that heighten the feeling of disillussionment and sadness.

* Sense and Sensibility - A Jane Austen novel is always sad, in its own subtle way.

* Monster - The courtroom scene where the lover (Christina Ricci) incriminated the accused (the deglamorized Charlize Theron) by testifying against her, is just too painful to watch.

* Seabiscuit - Even a film about horses has heart too.

* A Simple Plan - One of the overlooked gems. I saw this movie with only a glazed donut as snack. When I got out of the moviehouse, the donut was still untouched. But the glaze got to my eyes.

* The English Patient - A love story so doomed, you can still feel the pain even after you're long dead.

* A Beautiful Mind - You can't help but feel for John Nash knowing how serious his illness is. A convincing Russell Crowe was just the icing on the cake.

* Life is Beautiful - Mr. Benigni didn't have to pull that unforgettable stunt he did. His film is already a masterpiece.

* The King of Mask - Why do majority of Asian melodramas always feel like a dagger to the heart?

* Bridges of Madison County - This got me sobbing so long, I choked on my tears and couldn't breathe.

* Unforgiven - Hands down, the best Western movie ever.

* Saving Private Ryan - the camera work where Mrs. Ryan slumped to the ground upon seeing the soldiers on her front porch is pure genius. You couldn't see Mrs. Ryan's face but her sorrow and loss filter through.

* The Joy Luck Club - This was adapted on the screen with one goal in mind: provide visuals to an already accomplished piece of written work.

* Not One Less - Blame the honest performances and the searing melancholic music.

* The Road Home - Zhang Yimou delivered another home run.....and he's so far ahead.

* Joe The King - A Waldo Salt Screenwriting award and the one that captured my heart.

* One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest - A tragic ending but beautiful filmmaking.

* Rain Man - Hoffman's bumbling savant is just the killer.

* I Am Sam - I agree that Sean Penn's Oscar win is long overdue. He should have received it years earlier. In this movie.

* Braveheart - I always approach 3-hour epics with extreme caution. This film taught me it pays to be careless once in a while.

* The Man Who Wasn't There - Gorgeous cinematography.

* Dancer In The Dark - Bjork's music is the star of this baby.

* The Passion of the Christ - A spiritual feast.

* Forrest Gump - The ultimate feel-good movie that just loves to collect tears. If you're not moved, something's wrong with you, honey.

* American Beauty - Lester Burnham was shot from behind. As he goes down dying, he glanced at his family picture and made the realization at that moment that he still has love in his heart. Too late...but he died smiling.

* The Gathering Storm - Behind every powerful man is a woman.

* Adaptation - Chris Cooper was the bomb. But the twin Nicholas Cage was just insane.

* Whale Rider - I was apprehensive that a mere 11-year old Keisha Castle-Hughes would snatch a Best Actress nomination, let alone a W, but when I saw her crying her heart out in one of the most powerful sequences in the movie, a picture of a young Jodie Foster flashed in my mind. That shut me up.

* Central Station - Can anyone tell me why do majority of films from Brazil are just over-the-top good?

And sorry, Titanic will NEVER gonna be on this list. Not even after I'm dead.

Defeated

2004-08-31T05:13:00.000-07:00

i dreamt in color
of a parallel universe who screams
too late to realize the pain is all mine

Absurd

2004-08-30T01:24:00.000-07:00

"what do you fancy?" asks the green-eyed monster
"i want an egg that doesn't break"
"can a rubber globe be a substitute?"

Those who have Nothing

2004-08-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

do you know where i can scrape my loneliness off?
try the bearded lady who doesn't bathe

Sarcasm

2004-08-30T01:19:00.000-07:00

who do we owe what we want?
no one, so stop saying "life"
can you make a cardboard box using crayons?

Roundabout

2004-08-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

do i look pretty?
you look pretty when you're sad
do i look sad?
you look sad when you purse your lips
my lips are not pursed
then maybe you're happy

Novocaine for the Soul

2004-08-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

why must we feel afraid?
to relegate what we think we suffer
suffering is just a word that doesn't bleed

Powerless

2004-08-30T01:07:00.000-07:00

if i make it rain
and tell the midnight
to hide for 3 pounds of corn
can you sew me back together?

To My October

2004-08-25T03:52:00.000-07:00

Better late than never. Your birthday fell on a Monday and two days later, I still haven't prepared your shrine. Blame my work, kochać. Didn't mean to.

Ours is maybe a cerebral attraction. We always find ourselves willing victims in the lovers' competition where the spotlight goes to whoever is funnier. Mine is the muted but biting sarcasm. Yours is the unapologetic bashing of the hollow-brained. I feel like you're always the runaway winner and that you always get the better of me in the end. But I'm not complaining. Your humor is the crisp, spontaneous kind that's both cathartic and irreverently funny. Your endless tales on "trophy" girls with their detachable brains stored in their make-up kits give me sommersaults. A dead air on the phone means I'm making the mute button usable to keep you from hearing how loud I laugh. A pillow doesn't have that muffling capablity and just wouldn't pull it off. But you also told me that I was the only one, in a long time, who made you laugh again. Shall we call it quits then?

In you I found my mirror. We almost have the same brain wirings, it's scaring the bejesus out of me -- the stuff Twilight Zones reruns are made of. We both don't like things in their perfect state. Perfect means surreal. Perfect means boring. It is a flaw that makes a character. It was weird that when I started mentioning Jewel, you readily offered that you like her deformed tooth because that sets her apart. You triumph in reading my mind, champ. We both got such weird tastes and anti-social tendencies that we view other people's tastes as odd if they're different from ours. We both pretend we're part of a breathing society but deep inside we wanted to get away. We're both too opinionated and too headstrong, it's an endless wonder how we stand each other at all.

I don't think when I told you "Ich mag dich gut leiden", you realize the impact of its meaning. It's a North German expression kochać, which means so much more than what the Internet translation service gave you. But I guess that naïveté is more than forgivable when you got back to me with the most beautiful German phrase ever said to me. To tell you the truth the grammar and the spelling are terrible but I was moved just the same. When you told me that you just copied it from the Net per se, the admission was so forward and brutally honest, it was totally endearing. I smiled my broadest smile and admire the no-frills man more than ever.

As I always say, I appreciate you because you complement a monster and make her feel alive. I've always been a difficult one to appreciate and yet your patience, humor, intelligent conversations and little surprises never fail to see me through. You prevented the hatch of a far greater monster.

At least you tried.

To doppel Jot, my October:

Pumpkin seed gonna get you soon.

Couse couse, kitchenware, attitude...

Nothing more than an acorn shell.

Yeah this is my October.

Shadow me accordingly.

Nothing more than a bit too fast.

Fall down, hit the ground, not meant to last.

Nothing more than a need to yell.

That this is my October.

Let me die.

Since I've been running out of empty,

All I have is candy bars

And costumes to defend me.

You say, "We used to taste so sweet."

Do I look like candy?

Pumpkin gonna get too quick.

Couse couse, kitchen wear, I'm full of shit.

And nothing more than a need to yell

That this is my October.

Shadow me accordingly.

And I never thought we'd break this ground.

Fall down, hit the ground, don't make a sound.

It's been nothing more than a big cheap thrill.

Yeah yeah this is my October.

Let me die.

Ya, da, da, da'm gonna die

Yeah this is my October

-- words from "October", Collapsis

The Girl Next Door

2004-08-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

After two hours of sweating it out in the gym, I decided to take a breather by the little coffee table couch armed with my Patrick McGinley novel called Foggage, which, by rough estimate, I have been reading for the past two centuries. Not that the book is a thrash. Quite the opposite, actually. It is just that the only time I can enjoy a peaceful, cerebral, engagement with a book is at night, before going to bed, which rarely happens because I’m usually a drugged-out hobo coming from work.

So, I was sitting there, trying to read aloud to battle the cacophony of noise coming from the TV, other people’s idle conversations and the annoying whir of the treadmills, when two rounded, albeit, attractive girls of 14 or 15 came waltzing in. One looks like a plus-size Lana Asanin and the other, an Aubrey Miles clone in the body of puffed-up Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal. They just got out from the shower and were parading their hip “Sunday lunch-out” attires. They look like privileged kids. Milky-white, clear skin, nice set of teeth, high-end mobile phones, branded clothes, nice feet, MAC make-up. Gosh, I look like a tramp beside them. Observing these two kids, I kind of backtracked and tried to remember what I was like when I was their age. Ah, I think I was a naïve high schooler who only has my cousin’s hand-me-downs as party dresses. It was all getting very interesting for me and I said to myself the book can wait (procrastination, procrastination, procrastination).

So, the two girls made that portion of the gym their very own walk-in closet and vanity room. They were so busy making themselves up, they did not even notice other people craning their necks to see what the heck was going on. And they did not notice me making a documentary about them. Tee-hee-haw, too bad. They were chatting excitedly about what they will do after gym until Aubrey told Lana “to phone the driver to wait outside until they have finished dolling-up”. I knew it! Rich kids who lay on the bed of sewn dollars. I wondered if their driver owns a far more advanced mobile phone than me.

Eavesdropping further in their conversation, they shifted from lingerie to movies to food to R&B bands to cute boys of their fancy. With the latter topic eliciting muted shrieks and batting eyelashes. Lana then came in front of the full-length mirror admiring herself in a pleated black skirt and a white, overlapping top. I think she looked adorable. Aubrey, maybe reading my mind, told her friend she’s the epitome of a girl next door in her outfit. Lana said a deadpan thanks then with puzzled look on her face asked, “What is a girl next door?” Aubrey laughed a hearty one. No, make it a sarcastic one. You can actually hear her snorting deep inside. “You do not know what a girl next door is? It is when a girl is so pretty it is like she lives right next to a boy next door. They are like neighbors!” And nope, she was not kidding when she said that.

I buried my head in my hands in dismay. Listening to that is the exact stuff that is a serious threat to your sanity, and even though I was still panting heavily from the workout, I got out of there as fast as I can.

Of Music, Musicians and the Plain Cheapo Music Fan

2004-08-17T06:22:00.000-07:00

Much of my allowance in high school was spent in audiocassette tapes. I mean I would rather starve than not buy the latest Corrosion of Conformity album or the latest Black Sabbath compilation. CDs were rare then, and they cost a lot. I didn’t dare think ahead. I thought tapes would be there forever. Boy, was I wrong. Anyways, I have always been a meticulous shopper. And shopping for cassettes is no different. Two of my “conditions” on deciding what tapes to buy: 1) the band should have released three top 40 cuts off that album 2) The album should have thick inlay with massive artworks and lyrics. Yeah, go figure.

====================================================

It is so funny how really famous bands can guest in radio stations, pretending they don’t know how to play acoustically. Like they never did that before. Pretending that they don’t have a freaking idea how their song would come out without the usual electric flair. I mean, come on man, common sense. Before you had that gig, you knew that there’s no way the whole electric set is laid out for you. How big is a radio station’s booth anyways? And after they finished playing the song acoustically, surprise of all surprises, it actually sounded better than the original electric version!! Gasp! And then they would say they have never done that before? Gimme a friggin break, will ya?

====================================================

When I was in college, the guys that I hang out with are members of a rock band. Oh, sorry, members of an alternative band, if you don’t want your head to roll on the floor. They would painstakingly (hmmm, I think painstakingly is an understatement) take turns on teaching me how to play the guitar. I love the feel of that, man. It has THE unexplainable sexiness to it. It is like you own the world the moment you wear the strap around you. I would then pretend like I am Courtney Love or something. But that really didn’t prosper. I mean, no matter how much I would love to learn, it just wouldn’t fit. I have such small fingers that one of my male buddies threw his hands in the air and strongly suggested I try the drums instead. Uh-huh. Like how many girls can pull off playing the drums without being branded as tomboy? I would not have been stuck learning to play drums on just Smashing Pumpkin’s 1979 had I not raised my left eyebrow on him. I was only joking. Jeez.

====================================================

I got myself Godsmack’s Faceless album and here’s what I found in the inlay:

Sully Erna – vocals and stuff
Tony Rambola – guitar and vocals
Robbie Merrill – 4-string thing and vocals
Shannon Larkin – drums and concussions

I nearly damn broke my ribs laughing. Now that’s original!

====================================================

Do you ever cringe when a program’s host massacres a band’s name? What could be even worse than pronouncing a band’s name wrong? The answer, my dear, is appending the band’s name with the word band, when really, it is NOT needed.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the Wolfgang band!!!!!” And he said it at the top of his lungs. Yikes.

====================================================

Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder?

2004-08-11T04:26:00.000-07:00

This has got to be THE question that defined the era. If your formative and most definitive years happened during the grunge age (1990s) like moi, you’ll treat this not as just a mere slum book question but also something deeply personal. A question so powerful, it can define your character. There can never be a gray area, no middle grounds, and back then if you’re asked this question, you should be able to answer within the next 5 seconds with a choice. Or you’re going to see red all your life. There’s just no way you can serve two gods at the same time, honey. Haven’t you learned anything in Sunday school?

I remember very clearly how I almost turned cold to one of my dearest male buddies – a Kurt Cobain look-alike whom I hugely but secretly adored back in high school. He knew I prefer Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder any day and for some reason he kept teasing and teasing that Nirvana is better than Pearl Jam. Until one day, I remember it was summer, nearing the end of the school year; the day was so humid you’d have to breathe through the mouth rather than through the nose, I finally snapped. I spun around and blurted, “Do you know what you’re doing? And why do you do this anyway? No matter how many times you tell me how great Nirvana is, I’m not gonna change my mind. You knew from the very start I like Pearl Jam more. It’s just a matter of preference. I can identify with PJ songs more than Nirvana’s. Kurt Cobain writes songs about his own sickness and depression and death, for chrissakes. And if you dig that sweetheart, that’s fine, but don’t drag me down with you.” BAM. There. It was out. I spoke it too fast, I had a splitting headache afterwards. A Dawson’s Creek dialogue without the Katie Holmes. Then I left.

The next 40 minutes were disorienting. Jesus H. Christ. Why did I do that. I let the love of my life slip away all because of musicians who don’t even give a horse dung if I’m a fan or not. Nice logic man. Congratulations.

Four hours and an eternity later, Kurt Cobain doppelganger came marching back. Smiling. While I mightily pretended not to be affected, straight-faced and glassy-eyed, he said, “Hey, you know what? I’ll tell you a secret. I’ve been an Eddie Vedder fan first before I became a Cobain fan. I think that Vedder’s lyrics are emotionally intense without bordering on being, uhm, suicidal. He writes really beautiful songs, which are both mysterious and lyrical. Dig what I mean? Hey, and don’t worry about him not being able to play the guitar or the drums or any fancy stuff like that. Do you know that he plays the accordion really well?” Man, you just gotta love how he said sorry. I thought my heart was gone and I need a defibrillator to bring me back to life. Suddenly, his pony-tailed shoulder-length hair became shinier and his features more chiseled and he became not the Cobain copycat but the real McCoy to me. What can I say to that? Please stop before I marry you and we won’t even finish high school? Yeah, in my dreams. I just said thanks. And then he said he didn’t give anything for me to thank him. I said, “Just accept the thanks, moron”. He grinned. Then said, “you’re welcome”. My god, he’s the most gorgeous moron I know.

The next day, I became a closet Nirvana fan. Nobody knew until graduation.

The Need to Be the Devil

2004-08-09T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today, I became the monster I once hated. I thought I would never see its ugly face again. But I was dead wrong. The one flaw that I thought I’ve cast out already, caught up on me again like a plague on the run. The pungent stench of blood was so palpable and all too familiar that I dread every passing second of it. This vicious cycle, which I thought was halted two years ago, is showing its symptoms again – slow, methodical, its patience never running out. I knew what it was. And what negative power it held. And yet when it reared its ugly head, I embraced it. I held it like it’s my last glimmer of salvation. And with it came the rationalization of the promised power: you get to see how life can be so simple and so easy if you only think of yourself, if you don’t form any attachments, if you don’t get to carry the world on your shoulders alone, every friggin second.

Sometimes, I think that I was born without any choices. That I just act because the circumstance was shoved to my face. Circumstance -- what a heavy word. Whether you catch it blinking or wide-eyed, Mr. Circumstance just doesn’t care. May it mean your soul be shred to pieces or your body be gone to the dogs, he’s still whistling.

And after you culminated the hate, you suddenly realize what a waste your life was, that all you’ve done will not be returned to you and that when your greatest fear of being in the middle of the ocean at night for days and days, cold, hungry, alone and drowning, has finally happened, no one would even remember to rescue you and you’ll just be some forgotten mass kissing the bed of the ocean.

So, you’ve found the need to be the devil as you draw the monster within. Maybe one day, you’ll stop caring anymore. Nobody will frighten you. Nobody will hurt you. Nobody will abandon you. And there will just be bliss. You and your broken mind. And there will only be a huge vacuum in place of your heart. You weep silently but your mind screams –- This is for all the cranks in the world. About damn time we get our due.

Confessions of a Flirtatious Mind

2004-08-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

Okay. I just wanted to say that before making this, I asked permission from a friend if I can make him an “inspiration” for this post. He said go ahead, provided I don’t name him. Of course. Told you I practice responsible journalism.

It just amazes me how men can do this. I mean, really. It’s like they have the ability to separate the real from surreal, like a flick of your handy light switch. Turn on. Turn off. Turn on. Turn off. Turn on. Turn off. No matter how I make this a mantra, it just wouldn’t make sense.

Men. Despite being engaged to amazing, fantastic women, their partners for several years, or what they call their “best friend” if you want to be showbizy-heebie-jeebie about it, still go out of their way to lure other women to their web? A simple IM, from the suave “weird weather huh?” to the abominable “I know you’re busy, busy day huh?” became the bait. And if you’re the damsel in distress type, you’ll be easily deceived. It’s sad because the ratio of girls to boys is 3:1, which means that some men see this freak statistics as a floodgate to heaven and a playground for abuse, which means women, don’t really have that much of a choice when it comes to finding a partner, which ultimately translates to a picture less appetizing – a zit-faced guy who is 100 times uglier on the inside, still managed to hook up with a pretty barrio lass who’s only fault was that she’s blind enough to see she’s holding hands with a stitched-up Keith Richards. Sure, guys would say “but I only want to be friends with her, what’s wrong if I invite her to dinner and then we’ll have coffee afterwards, and then we’ll watch a play, and then we’ll talk……” And this, my friends, maybe coming from a guy who’s head over heels in love with her girlfriend of years. And then guys would ask why are they always tagged as someone who always lead girls on? Huwaaaaatttt????

Stop. I’m highlighting the word “some men” okay? Obviously not all guys are like this. Like my friend who’s the inspiration for this post (naks, I’m building you up chap). Before he acts, he thinks ahead and tries to envision what would be the consequences of his action. Sure, he wanted to be friends and be buddy-buddy with this girl very badly but that doesn’t outweigh whatever’s rational and right in him. See, he has a girlfriend whom he’s planning to marry. And when I egged him on to IM this other girl in his office he so wanted to be chums with (I’m a consenting adult to my friends, what can I say?) He would say, “I don’t want to start something that can explode flat on my face, kawawa naman yung girl if she’s expecting something more”. Now that’s a sensible guy. I swear to God, I’ll fund his campaign if he runs against Kerry.

the portrait of a monster

2004-08-05T01:09:00.000-07:00

foist, some oddities and nuances:

i hate eating hot food (it hinders the appetite, and i mean, really)
since 1995, i never missed an oscar live telecast -- means taking a leave from work or spinning elaborate lies to be excused from class (and i've been successful so far, thank you very much)
death metal puts me to sleep, and i'm not even exhausted
i can enumerate the academy awards best picture winners and their directors from 1985 - present in a minute and 30 seconds
i read the newspaper backwards
i think if there's one band that needs to be convicted of crime against humanity a la Nuremberg trial, it'd be Creed -- hands down
come to think of it, a newspaper, no matter how old, is still new, if you haven't read it
i think courtney love is way a better actress than helena bonham carter
i can be engaged in a movie marathon for a full 24 hours and never once shift position
if you want to get rid of me, leave me in a record store or book store, you'll still find me there when you come back
two things that can make me cry: anything untoward happening to my family and an unabashedly powerful movie
i treat every basketball game on the tube like a premiere of a david fincher thriller – be on your seat 5 minutes before it starts, with chips and soda at arm’s reach
if i can have a superhuman power, i would rather opt to have the ability to be on two or three places at any one time rather than invisibility
i’d rather sit through a boring ballgame than be caught dead inside a dance club (god forbids)
i can astrally-project at night --- just kidding

bits and pieces:

Currently reading:
Foggage by Patrick McGinley

Song that reflects the mood of the moment:
Everlong by the Foo Fighters

My epitaph would probably read:
“Here lies the monster who begged when she had everything, who smiled when she had nothing and who stole when everyone’s looking”

Most anticipated movie this year:
Merry Christmas (i heard this is the working title) – true accounts of The Christmas Truce that happened in World War I between the Brits and the German soldiers.

TV show that just cannot be missed:
Queer Eye for a Straight Guy

Last movie that made me cry:
All or Nothing directed by Mike Leigh

Interest of the moment:
Documentaries!!!!

I smile whenever I see:
Carson Kressley (the Fashion guru)

Skill I have that not everyone knows:
I can write really good love letters

I wish I could be:
Agent Dana Scully (she’s smart, strong, and a gorgeous redhead)

If I can turn back time:
I would convince the producers of X-Files to STOP production at all cost before the impending disaster called Season 8 is introduced to the public.

The most genius comic for me is:
Jerry Seinfeld. Case closed.